No Goodbyes

“Kamusta na?” you asked, as we nurse the cup of coffee in our hands in that coffee shop.

Two words, two simple words, asking me how I have been. Yet, I don’t know how to respond to that. Yeah, how have I been since the last day we met? I don’t know. Thinking about it now, it seems I just went with the motion of trying to live a life without you. It was all a blur.

But I do remember the last day we saw each other. I do remember it well because of the uncertainty of that moment. I know we’re about to part, I know it was the end, but no words were said about it. No goodbyes, no arguments that were a staple diet during our last days as a couple. You simply walked away. Then I turned my back and walked towards the opposite direction.

At the coffee shop last week, we catch up with our lives’ happenings. You seem to be doing fine, although you didn’t say a thing about that diamond ring on your finger, and I didn’t ask about it, fearing the answer I don’t want to hear.

And as we part ways about a couple of hours later, there was that uncertainty again. That uncertainty of what’s going to happen next. Before you turned and leave, I was able to ask you something.

“Can we meet again sometime?”

“Sure” you said with that familiar smile, “here’s my card. Call me.”

My firefighter

Whenever an alarm rings in my heart, my fire fighter would always come, always there; ready to put out the fire that makes me restless and painful.
He would appease my disposition and help me out of the trouble…
..
After 2 years of putting off the fire all by myself, suddenly my fighter shows up… He “accidentally” shows up and this time he’s the one who started the fire in my heart


That afternoon.....
It was like my long dead heart had started to beat again, however, in an irregular beat.
I don’t know whether I should regret it or be happy with my answer for your invitation. I know you saw the ring on my left hand… I guess you know what it means.
Yes, I am about to get married…. To a man who has never made me happy and not just laugh.
I don’t even know why you purposely bumped on me last time…, but surely, I felt something.. I just can’t determine the feeling… if it’s confusion, sadness or just happiness to see you again.

Now, this is all because of you, my heart is ringing and you’re not here to put off the fire that you have started.

My mind wishes that you should have never shown up again………….


But my heart is calling for you once more...

A Tidal Wave Of Elation

I have always found it amusing that your name is Summer but we met on a cold December night. Maybe it’s a sign of things to come, two different aspects of you on opposite poles.

You’ve always attributed it to your wild mood swings.

You’re very pretty, that’s a given but you usually think you’re not. But there were times that even you can’t deny the fact that guys go ga-ga over you. You’re a sweet person too, but there were times that--- well, uhhmmnn… how will I put it? There were times that I’d rather hide inside my mother’s skirt to escape your wrath haha And of course, I felt that you loved me back then, a love to last but towards the end of it… towards the end of it…

…

Up until now, I don’t know what happened. Either I really don’t have a clue or I’m still in denial. That’s why when I accidentally saw you last month, a tidal wave of elation swept me towards you. I have to make up a lame excuse of “accidentally bumping” into you. Because I don’t know how you’ll react if I’ll just walk up to you and say “hi”. I don’t know on what side of the pole were you at that time.

When I asked you to go with me for a cup of coffee, I felt that hesitation on your part. I was almost sure you didn’t want to go. But then you said “sure”.

You’re still on opposite sides. That’s probably who you really are and that’s what I loved (love?) about you. You didn’t want to go, you wanted to go.

I attribute that to your wild mood swings.

Or was it because of that ring on your finger?

The Scent Of Your Perfume Awakes My Concealed Sentiments

The scent of your perfume awakes my concealed sentiments

Bumping into you the other day, made me feel like I have just passed through the longest 2 years of my life. You were still you, wearing that same old smile that never failed to make my heart skip a beat and the same scent which leads me to your apartment. The way your eyes held mine felt like you can still see through my whole being.

The way our bodies bumped into each other made me feel the emptiness of my days and nights without your warmth. It’s like my will to forget about you whom I have built for 2 long years have crumbled into ashes within a few seconds. I wanted to grab your hands and be in your loving arms again…

You fixed your hair, just like what you always do, a mannerism… and then asked me for a cup of coffee

I was about to say Yes… but I felt my left hand getting heavier... and heavier…
And I saw a beautiful diamond ring, clinging unto my middle finger. I don’t know if you saw it…

And I said…
“Sure.”